Wandering Willow asks:
Frankie, How many potbelly pigs does it take to change a lightbulb? I hope you know the answer, 'cause I don't.
It takes four -- but we change it into a nice picnic lunch!
L writes:
Identity Crisis!! Frankie, I'm a little concerned all this food has gone to your head!
I notice you have posted your astrological sign as Aries... but, ahem, Frankie dear surely you understand you are a Pig (and a magnificent one at that!!!!) and not a Ram?
...a picnic lunch with cheese and bread and wine and some olive tapenade and some strawberries and ginger snaps and avacodo dip and chocolate chip cookies and vanilla coconut cake and some oatmeal and some fresh alfalfa sprouts and some mushrooms, LOTS of yummy mushrooms, and ...what was the question again?
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
ask Frankie
Max asks:
This is Max, Carroll's dog writing to say thanks for giving her such great advice the other day. I really appreciate it. Those things she called olives weren't my all-time favorite snack, but that cheese....oh yeah, baby! Bring on the cheese!!
So, Frankie, I've got a question...you don't seem to have any problem with self-esteem, but Birdie didn't even really want to keep you when you first showed up at her place, right?
Well, my situation was sort of the opposite -- my people wanted me, Carroll especially had been really pining for a dog ever since something happened to their last one. And she was really excited right after I came to live with them. But y'know... sometimes I get the feeling that she doesn't realy love me the same way she used to love their other dog. I feel like I'm living in his shadow all the time even though I do my best to be good.
You seem to get in trouble all the time, but you feel OK about yourself. I don't get in trouble very often at all, but I don't feel so good about myself.
How can I get better self-esteem, Frankie? Does it involve olives?
what makes a pizza supreme? Olives.
what makes a peanut butter sandwhich a sublime confection? Olives.
what puts the oaf in meatloaf? Olives.
Yes, Max, self-esteem does involve olives.
People live with us because they treasure the adventure we bring to their lives, the way our unexpected adventures are like a bright embroidery on the pillows of their days. They want us to throw open the windows of their lives to let in the fresh air of serendipity and our cheese farts.
In the animal/companion-human relationship, it is our role to be the gift of Athena, the olives in the martini of life.
YAY !! FRANKIE!!!! time for a nap. right after this snack.
This is Max, Carroll's dog writing to say thanks for giving her such great advice the other day. I really appreciate it. Those things she called olives weren't my all-time favorite snack, but that cheese....oh yeah, baby! Bring on the cheese!!
So, Frankie, I've got a question...you don't seem to have any problem with self-esteem, but Birdie didn't even really want to keep you when you first showed up at her place, right?
Well, my situation was sort of the opposite -- my people wanted me, Carroll especially had been really pining for a dog ever since something happened to their last one. And she was really excited right after I came to live with them. But y'know... sometimes I get the feeling that she doesn't realy love me the same way she used to love their other dog. I feel like I'm living in his shadow all the time even though I do my best to be good.
You seem to get in trouble all the time, but you feel OK about yourself. I don't get in trouble very often at all, but I don't feel so good about myself.
How can I get better self-esteem, Frankie? Does it involve olives?
what makes a pizza supreme? Olives.
what makes a peanut butter sandwhich a sublime confection? Olives.
what puts the oaf in meatloaf? Olives.
Yes, Max, self-esteem does involve olives.
People live with us because they treasure the adventure we bring to their lives, the way our unexpected adventures are like a bright embroidery on the pillows of their days. They want us to throw open the windows of their lives to let in the fresh air of serendipity and our cheese farts.
In the animal/companion-human relationship, it is our role to be the gift of Athena, the olives in the martini of life.
YAY !! FRANKIE!!!! time for a nap. right after this snack.
Pork Haiku
Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams;
hooves are not that sharp.
How dare you disturb
the nap I was enjoying
here on your pillow.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams;
hooves are not that sharp.
How dare you disturb
the nap I was enjoying
here on your pillow.
Frankie's Public Service Announcement
Overdose Victims!!
Because the holiday season is approaching, I'm sending these graphic pictures of overdose victims not for shock value, but rather in the hope that you will have a frank discussion with friends and family about respecting moderation, understanding limits, and knowing when to just walk away.
Remember...
This did NOT have to happen ...
(parental discretion advised)
Sunday, December 18, 2005
ask Frankie
Wandering Willow asks:
My 18 yr old cat wants to eat about 12 times per day, about 3 bites per meal. She's too old to perceive that there's already food in her bowl. Should I feed her that much?
W.W., This is a difficult conundrum, but you have come to the right place. The solution for the difficulty in this situation is two-fold. In the first place, larger servings are an absolute must - at least five or six times larger - this will ensure that she will be able to perceive the food in her bowl without eyestrain. Consider serving her food in a basin or small tub, something suitable for the bathing of a small child, or for cleaning the engine of a small car.
I also suggest that you arrange for her to have a regular visitor, someone who can provide dignified and friendly conversation for her, someone who is dapper and attentive, worldly-wise and well-travelled, a person of refinement and taste, someone who will appreciate her for the beautiful creature that she is, and who will be considerate of her needs above all else... for example, a friend who will be gracious enough to make sure that her food bowl is emptied regularly.
Shall we start tomorrow?
TWELVE TIMES PER DAY!! FRANKIE!!!
My 18 yr old cat wants to eat about 12 times per day, about 3 bites per meal. She's too old to perceive that there's already food in her bowl. Should I feed her that much?
W.W., This is a difficult conundrum, but you have come to the right place. The solution for the difficulty in this situation is two-fold. In the first place, larger servings are an absolute must - at least five or six times larger - this will ensure that she will be able to perceive the food in her bowl without eyestrain. Consider serving her food in a basin or small tub, something suitable for the bathing of a small child, or for cleaning the engine of a small car.
I also suggest that you arrange for her to have a regular visitor, someone who can provide dignified and friendly conversation for her, someone who is dapper and attentive, worldly-wise and well-travelled, a person of refinement and taste, someone who will appreciate her for the beautiful creature that she is, and who will be considerate of her needs above all else... for example, a friend who will be gracious enough to make sure that her food bowl is emptied regularly.
Shall we start tomorrow?
TWELVE TIMES PER DAY!! FRANKIE!!!
Saturday, December 17, 2005
ask Frankie
Carroll asks:
Frankie, you say you're one hot porker. At our house we have a hot dog named Max who, like you, is in deep doo doo at the moment with me, his "owner" (but really, who owns who in such circumstances?) Last night when my attention was elsewhere, Max ripped apart a garbage bag and made off with about 5000 calories of discarded food (including wrapping materials which are nowhere to be found) So my question is this...should I feed him less for a few days to make up for it? I'm thinking his tummy should ache a little today, or that there would have been a bit of, uhm, regurgitation during the night, but so far he's not even showing remorse, let alone gastric distress. Also, what punishment, if any, would you suggest. My thought is that he was just busy being a dog, but I really do want to know if you think I should cut back on his rations for a few days.
Carroll, the best punishment you can give Max right now is to feed him TRIPLE rations for at least ten days. Definitely. Plus and extra dog bone in the afternoon. With maybe a little gravy and some peanut butter. with pickles. and olives. And a pepperoni pizza as a snack before bedtime. and perhaps some yummy christmas cookies. with syrup. and cheese, give him lots of cheese.
Men say man's best friend is the dog.
Dog's best friend is FRANKIE!
keep those cards and letters coming!!
Frankie, you say you're one hot porker. At our house we have a hot dog named Max who, like you, is in deep doo doo at the moment with me, his "owner" (but really, who owns who in such circumstances?) Last night when my attention was elsewhere, Max ripped apart a garbage bag and made off with about 5000 calories of discarded food (including wrapping materials which are nowhere to be found) So my question is this...should I feed him less for a few days to make up for it? I'm thinking his tummy should ache a little today, or that there would have been a bit of, uhm, regurgitation during the night, but so far he's not even showing remorse, let alone gastric distress. Also, what punishment, if any, would you suggest. My thought is that he was just busy being a dog, but I really do want to know if you think I should cut back on his rations for a few days.
Carroll, the best punishment you can give Max right now is to feed him TRIPLE rations for at least ten days. Definitely. Plus and extra dog bone in the afternoon. With maybe a little gravy and some peanut butter. with pickles. and olives. And a pepperoni pizza as a snack before bedtime. and perhaps some yummy christmas cookies. with syrup. and cheese, give him lots of cheese.
Men say man's best friend is the dog.
Dog's best friend is FRANKIE!
keep those cards and letters coming!!
Friday, December 16, 2005
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